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I just got a package in the mail from my paternal auntperson. Upon opening it, I emitted what may have been the loudest and/or most piercing shriek ever since I attained legal adult status.
For inside, oh my brothers, was this shirt, which, if for some reason you do not wish to click on the link I so painstakingly cut-and-pasted HTML code for, pictures a skull wearing a chef's hat with a blood-dripping knife in its teeth, reading 'Cook Free or Die'. It appears to be the official logo of www.grillbitch.com (which is not up yet).
The Grill Bitch, as you may or may not know, is a character made famous in Anthony Bourdain's book Kitchen Confidential, where she was one of the handiest female cooks of Mr. Bourdain's acquaintance, who also once threw a Moroccan over a countertop and began dry-humping him from behind, yelling (as I believe) "How do you like that, bitch?" (She had her reasons). She is also my cousin (I think?) Beth (by marriage)(who I have never met). (I put qualifiers in parentheses so that they count less). (I put them all in their own sets of parentheses because I like making parenthetical comments). She may be my favorite relative, sight-unseen.
Along with that came a picture of Beth with Tony, which yes, it's just something my Aunt Gail printed off her computer, but it's the first time I've seen this cousin(?) who is so much my favorite, and also it is a picture of Tony.
There is a reason this is important. In this whole world, there are many things I love, and the very top of the list goes thusly:
1: Sleep.
2: Food.
3: Power tools (see also: Krystle's and my plan to move to Seattle and "flip" old houses for money).
4: Sex.
5: Anthony Bourdain (See also: 2).
Coming in close after number 6: Anything Green, comes number 7: Potential girl-cousin who is cool and does interesting things and is possibly psychotic.
(My other girl-cousins, the ones that are both definitively my cousins and also much more directly related to Beth than I am, much as I love them, are not psychotic at all, and while they do cool things they both grew up to be accountants. Also, they're both indescribably beautiful, and so I feel I have slightly less in common with them than I might otherwise. Beth is also very beautiful, but thankfully describably so).
And so this was a very exciting thing. I am already planning to harangue Krystle into performing some sort of sewing project of my design on the shirt. I was still in the baggy-black-t-shirt wearing phase last time I saw my aunt, but I'm out of it now and so I'm considering ways to make it fit more girlishly while still being undeniably cool. And, of course, it has to be something I can convince Krystle that it won't take forever, because it's harder to get her into the sweatshop when she knows what's coming.
Erin
(Geocities is being tedious. Grillbitch.com isn't up yet, therefore technically the picture can't be linked to... never mind that if you go to grillbitch.com it will take you to the image directory which has the picture. Or at least it did earlier. Whatever. That is why I have provided the description, to enable you to paint a picture with your minds).
For inside, oh my brothers, was this shirt, which, if for some reason you do not wish to click on the link I so painstakingly cut-and-pasted HTML code for, pictures a skull wearing a chef's hat with a blood-dripping knife in its teeth, reading 'Cook Free or Die'. It appears to be the official logo of www.grillbitch.com (which is not up yet).
The Grill Bitch, as you may or may not know, is a character made famous in Anthony Bourdain's book Kitchen Confidential, where she was one of the handiest female cooks of Mr. Bourdain's acquaintance, who also once threw a Moroccan over a countertop and began dry-humping him from behind, yelling (as I believe) "How do you like that, bitch?" (She had her reasons). She is also my cousin (I think?) Beth (by marriage)(who I have never met). (I put qualifiers in parentheses so that they count less). (I put them all in their own sets of parentheses because I like making parenthetical comments). She may be my favorite relative, sight-unseen.
Along with that came a picture of Beth with Tony, which yes, it's just something my Aunt Gail printed off her computer, but it's the first time I've seen this cousin(?) who is so much my favorite, and also it is a picture of Tony.
There is a reason this is important. In this whole world, there are many things I love, and the very top of the list goes thusly:
1: Sleep.
2: Food.
3: Power tools (see also: Krystle's and my plan to move to Seattle and "flip" old houses for money).
4: Sex.
5: Anthony Bourdain (See also: 2).
Coming in close after number 6: Anything Green, comes number 7: Potential girl-cousin who is cool and does interesting things and is possibly psychotic.
(My other girl-cousins, the ones that are both definitively my cousins and also much more directly related to Beth than I am, much as I love them, are not psychotic at all, and while they do cool things they both grew up to be accountants. Also, they're both indescribably beautiful, and so I feel I have slightly less in common with them than I might otherwise. Beth is also very beautiful, but thankfully describably so).
And so this was a very exciting thing. I am already planning to harangue Krystle into performing some sort of sewing project of my design on the shirt. I was still in the baggy-black-t-shirt wearing phase last time I saw my aunt, but I'm out of it now and so I'm considering ways to make it fit more girlishly while still being undeniably cool. And, of course, it has to be something I can convince Krystle that it won't take forever, because it's harder to get her into the sweatshop when she knows what's coming.
Erin
(Geocities is being tedious. Grillbitch.com isn't up yet, therefore technically the picture can't be linked to... never mind that if you go to grillbitch.com it will take you to the image directory which has the picture. Or at least it did earlier. Whatever. That is why I have provided the description, to enable you to paint a picture with your minds).
